I’ve heard the words out of the mouths of so many well-intended, self-help influencers: Find your passion! Or, more so: Follow me to learn the tips so that you, too, can find your passion!! And more precisely, buy this product and you’re guaranteed to find your passion!!!
It’s like finding your passion is the meaning of life. Is that how you would define the meaning of life?
I sense a global, post-pandemic, post-Trump, post-climate-change-is-real moment of existential crisis (and also maybe a little dread). It’s led me to wonder WTF this is all about. I mean, really. What are we doing here?
It’s a short jump into the world of passion discovery from this question, and maybe that’s why there’s so much advice. On the surface, it makes sense that figuring out what you are very passionate about pursuing in this lifetime is the path to becoming the highest, best version of yourself.
I’m all for living your best life and reaching your highest potential — but I’m not sure that passion is the way to it. I propose instead that the reason for living is properly learn how to calmly handle every experience the universe presents us.
Yes, it’s worthwhile to determine your zone of genius or the point in your Venn diagram where your joy and skills overlap. Sure, it can be fulfilling to find the “perfect” partnership or create a comfortable home.
But I’m not sure being your highest self is a result of doing more than simply being. Could finding your passion be just another example of the next (perhaps ultimate) dopamine hit?
If only I can unveil within myself what exactly I am passionate about, then everything will fall into place! I can finally feel free!
Of course, life seems to flow easier when you are doing the things that light you up. I certainly love storytelling, inspiring others, helping people grow and heal, traveling, the ocean, and art. But there’s a difference between enjoyable things and the meaning of life.
Perhaps you’ve heard the meaning of life called ikigai or raison d’être. This is a slightly different concept — the reason for living vs. the meaning of life — but it speaks to the same question. What makes us get out of bed in the morning? What drives us to be alive?
Does the simple act of figuring out our passions make us move? That’s possible. Some people are so stuck in the rut of watching Netflix or drinking or overworking or shopping or doomscrolling that they’ve forgotten to ask themselves what makes them smile. Many people I encounter, even in the most paradisical places in the world, have forgotten how to smile.
It’s possible that smiling in itself is the meaning of life, but I want to take it a step further. Because sometimes, we aren’t smiling. Sometimes we are crying, wailing, alone and sad, heartbroken, lost, and desperate. It’s not just me, right? Even then, I get out of bed. I’m alive.
When in these states, you might say we’ve “lost our way.” But it’s not always that we need to find a passion and start smiling. Those challenging times make us better, more compassionate, stronger, and wiser. They give life meaning too.
I have gratitude for many things in my life, and hard times make the list. Those hard times are the kinds of situations that make us who we are. We overcome adversity, and then we have a greater capacity for helping others through similar hardships.
I remember seeing my sailor friend on the beach in the Abacos islands of the Bahamas. I confided in him that I was scared to sail south from the calm clear sea through deep blue waters to the Virgin Islands.
“It isn’t an adventure if you’re not a little scared,” he replied.
Don’t get me wrong — I don’t think being scared or crying is what life is all about. There’s way too much fun to have for that. But I think it’s part of it. It’s all part of it.
This is what I’ve come to think lately: The meaning of life is just to have experiences, the good and the bad. What’s more, there is no good or bad, only the present moment as we experience it.
Having experiences is the best ways to learn about the world and ourselves. Dramatically different experience is why I am so passionate about traveling, for example.
If this is “what it’s all about,” then the only wrong decision we can make is the one where we listen to our fear and experience nothing. When you exist in such a narrow spectrum of existence that you rarely experience something new, you miss the opportunity to learn and grow.
This may explain why every expert in the universe advises a limitation on passive consumption like watching television, binge shopping, scrolling mindlessly on social media, drinking too much alcohol, and eating too much. When you numb your feelings, emotions, and sensations in the present moment, you miss experiencing. Life becomes the same, and it’s boring.
You can read this as a manifesto for big living over small living. No, there is nothing wrong with living simply and loving deeply — these are wonderful experiences. But if you stop being curious and creative at the same time, you may be limiting yourself from the full opportunity of this lifetime.
I work with clients who are ready to level-up their lives but aren’t always sure how to start. Some may say, “I just haven’t found my passion.” I contend this is an unnecessary tangent in forward progress. That’s all well and good — but what kinds of experiences have you yet to have that you want?
Then, we can reverse engineer to be properly positioned to maximize that experience when it comes.
Passions can motivate people to master skills, and skills can help make experiences more enjoyable. But every successful person knows that failure is part of the path to making it. We cannot discount the times that are less enjoyable. It’s all important if you’re paying attention to the experience.
If you agree that the meaning of life is simply to have experiences of all kinds, it really takes the pressure off.
When I was living in Europe and had an offer to care for a sailboat and two cats in a remote village in the Solomon Islands of the South Pacific, it seemed far-fetched. I knew only one other person who had ever been to the Solomon Islands, and he stayed for just three days. I’d be here for almost three months, have to take the longest flight of my life, and do a lot of manual labor boat chores every day.
Well, I signed up for that job — not because I was desperate for a bed or looking for my passion. I did it because it was an experience. A completely good experience? Absolutely not. I had weekly bouts of sickness from slimy water tanks, constant scrubbing of decks, and battles with the fastest mosquitos to ever enjoy hardy dinners of my blood.
But it was, without a doubt, an experience. Today, I went snorkeling with a friend in the harbor. Tall, spindly palm trees jutted up from the horizon as we swam over bright purple and yellow corals, past electric blue fish, and into the depths of the blue. We were salty and smiling as we watched the sunset from the bow of his sailboat.
This, I thought, this is what life is all about.